Yeay…!!!! xDD.. Everything settled for my Masterchef event.. I’m now free from all the activities.. It’s time to start focus on my study.. huhu.. I mentioned this for a few times already.. =p.. The result is still the same.. Ngegeh!! =P
After everything settled just now, I went out with my ex-roommates.. =)). My first year roommates.. After years didn’t go out together, I mean as 4 of us are there (b’cos usually it’s only 3 of us) it’s the time to gather! Even just having lunch for a short time, it’s really nice for us to sit and eat together.. Chit-chatting and gossiping a bit.. hahaha.. =P. That’s all for my weekend.. At least I did something for myself, for fun, other than just get busy with the activities… =p
O&G… It’s not OMG.. hahaha.. =P.. hmmm.. I love clerking patient for O&G, palpating the abdomen of the pregnant mother, to feel the fetus.. Such a nice feeling.. xDDD.. I remember the first time I went to antenatal ward for senior briefing, I saw the fetal movement for the first time & I was so excited… hahaha.. =D
Baby.. They are so cute and adorable.. But, it’s not easy for the mother during their pregnancy period.. Talking about all these reminds me of my mom.. My mom must had suffer a lot during her pregnancy time.. She told me last time, she can’t even smell food, even her favourite food.. She tends to vomit.. She just can drink water & prefer air kelapa during her first pregnancy.. & me.. I was very naughty & like to kick my mom abdomen when I was a fetus.. Hyperactive than my younger sister my mom said.. Luckily, I was born quite easy.. I am a preterm baby.. yg ndak pandai sabar lahir ke dunia.. sampai2 ndak sempat tunggu ambulans sampai.. LOL.. Funny! =P
uwaaa… T_T.. uwaa… T_T… I have cognitive and memory impairment recently.. huh.. Need to solve this problem ASAP… Exam is just around the corner… & now I’m really sure I need Ginko-biloba… =P
There are some words.. That should just kept unspoken.. Should just remain silent.. We don’t have to reveal it to anyone else.. Just enough for ALLAH to know.. That’s what I’ve just learnt..
Being me.. I’m the one that don’t like to keep everything inside my heart.. I’m afraid it will burst and getting even worst.. So, it’s preferably to tell.. Even how much it will hurt.. Better to slapped by the truth than hugged with a lie… But.. The thing is.. I’d hurt someone that I care.. In which I’m not wishing him to get hurt by me or anyone else.. By hurting him, it hurts me even more..
Because of being me.. I decided to tell him the past, the history that I should just keep it and locked it unknown.. But.. It’s me.. I can’t hide anything, especially to those that I care the most..
Dear u.. I’m so sorry.. I’m not sure do u really don’t care or get hurt by the thing or no.. But I feel bad.. Seriously.. If just u know how much u mean to me.. I hope u know it.. Even all this time I’ve never told u.. But I really do.. I pray hard to ALLAH, so that everything gonna be ok.. I believe.. There is always a rainbow after the rain.. Amin…
This is not the first time.. that people give me hijab.. I received a few during my last birthday.. I just said thank u to my dearest friends that gave me the presents.. But.. This time I cry… Is it because it’s from that someone..??? Or is it because I’ve been thinking hard about this recently..?? I don’t know why..
Honestly.. I’d cry before when thinking about myself.. I’m not good in religion.. Yes, I know.. I have plan to change myself, yes I do.. But I didn’t tell anyone even my mom.. Even my closest friends.. I’m afraid that I can’t be continuous in doing this thing.. In wearing hijab.. I’m scared that I can’t be consistent in doing it.. I want to do it when I’m really ready.. Every time prayer, everyday, before I sleep, I pray hard to ALLAH to open my heart.. To give me hidayah in doing this.. I want to do it because of ALLAH.. I want to do it sincerely.. Not because of people asking me to.. Not because of others.. I want that willingness to wear hijab comes deeply from my heart.. Ya ALLAH.. Please open my heart, so that I’ll be able to do it sincerely… Amin..
Hahahaha.. Funny.. Funny.. Funny.. I used to tell my friends.. I’m not gonna play netball… bla bla bla.. netball is boring and me.. I don’t like netball.. Yes.. That’s the true.. I don’t like playing netball..
But.. I joined netball team for my dental interyear.. Huhuhu.. I have no choice though.. Not enough team member for my batch.. Just try! For fun.. Maybe after trying then I’ll like it.. Who knows right.. Hopefully.. ~But actually it doesn’t seem like that.. The prognosis of me for netball is poor.. LOL… =P
I was moody recently.. Which is not good.. Nanti cepat tua.. hehehe.. =p.. Anyway.. I feel better now.. What I did..?? hahaha.. Just cleaning the room, listening to songs and look through my old photos.. A happy girl in the photos.. hehehe.. I miss my old me.. So.. Tada… I just wanna be like before.. I think what happened to me recently is because I was worry too much.. About others perception.. About someone that I care..
Hmmm.. I found a quote: “people always think that the most painfull thing is losing the one that u love in life (so they tend to worry much about all non-sense), the truth is, the most painfull thing is losing urself in the process of loving someone too much, forgetting that u are special too..” hehehe.. Me.. I’m special too.. Pija perasan!! =p.. So don’t think too much.. Stop worrying so much.. xD
My focus now is for my exam.. huhu.. It will come very very very soon.. & I’m not ready! uwaaa… =/.. Aiyo.. I haven’t even started my revision.. As usual.. Lazy me.. =p.. Pija mai pun thua..!!! jia you..!!! =p
Today.. My spirit, it comes back to me.. I remember how much I wanna be a dentist before (even actually I want medic previously).. & now that I’ve got what I want, I shouldn’t just let it go.. I’ll fight until the end.. Alhamdulillah.. Thank u ALLAH for always be there for me, for always guide me.. & now.. I feel good!!! =p
~ (my room.. not many changes.. the arrangement is still the same as before cleaning.. it just more clean now.. =p)
Most girls wanna be pretty.. =p.. But me.. Just simple.. I just wanna be HAPPY! xD
All I need now is just my mom.. I need her warm hug.. I really need her now.. There is no one in this world that can love me like she does… I love u mom…
U can never please everyone even how much u try..That’s the reality of life.. U can just pray to ALLAH, to open their heart to accept the things that happened.. To ease ur soul.. I used to remember this; “setiap yg berlaku pasti ada hikmah di sebaliknya, ALLAH tidak akan membebankan hambaNya dengan sesuatu yg tidak mampu ditanggung hambaNya itu”.. Then, I’ll feel better..
That person.. I really care about him… I don’t want him to be sad, I want him to be always happy.. I want everything just be normal.. Like before.. Even me and him, we are considered an item now, but it doesn’t mean that we neglect or ignore our friends.. We try our best to take care of other’s feeling.. But, for sure there’ll be some people who do not feel the same.. Just think positive.. Because they don’t wanna lose their friend.. Because they do care about their friend.. It just, the way they expressed it, a bit in an inappropriate way..
I can’t help anything to solve all those misunderstanding.. To gain back the beauty of friendship, as like they are siblings.. All the thing that I can do is just pray.. Pray hard so that everything gonna be ok.. Honestly, looking at his eyes when he told me about his friends.. His facial expression.. I know, deep inside his heart, it do hurts much.. & me.. All I can do is nothing.. I’m really sorry…